This lack of trust, of both others and ourselves, can keep us from finding the love we want.While taking a break from relationships is often a good way of getting back in touch with your own needs, desires and values, it can become all too easy to simply avoid relationships altogether under the guise of any number of self-deluding excuses.You ladies most likely never did anything to deserve the treatment you got. It is a terrible thing but it is good that you're healing or have healed. Struggling with the realization of what I am and wanting to change it.
This decision to avoid rather than face issues is often an unconscious choice.And it can manifest itself in a variety of self-defeating ways, including procrastination, denial, blaming others, criticising, keeping constantly busy, as well as maintaining physical distance from others.I want to thank you both, Ivana and ksm, for sharing your thoughts and stories. I always knew there was something wrong because I was able to basically get my way with anyone I wanted, not feel bad, etc, etc.I'm also sorry that you've been through such awful ordeals. I matched the textbook definition perfectly and fit 8/9 main criteria for diagnosis.I find it too easy and over-simplified to refer to the basis of one's 'not-interested' state as a fear or avoidance. If one burns their hand every time they put it in a fire they will eventually stop putting it in the fire. I have in the last year understood that my father & siblings were/are psychopaths/sociopaths/narcissists.
In fact everyone in my family except the few enablers such as myself.
At least they don't attack me and I can show them love and teach them to love without being judged. There's a book I read years ago that really helped with this. FIRST THING - Sorry to hear so many people are being hurt because people like myself don't realize something is wrong and try to fix it or work on it.
The article was good but I think I am better off alone. I also hope that perhaps one day you will meet the right person for you. I have recently been 'officially' diagnosed with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).
Trying to avoid something you fear doesn’t make the fear go away. It’s like believing that there’s a ghost in your closet.
If you don’t open the door and look, you’ll always believe it’s there and spend your nights cowering under the covers.
All of these behaviours are defence mechanisms that are intended to protect us from getting hurt, whether from being with someone who is selfish or being rejected by someone we care about.