This is different to making ourselves ‘available’ in some pretty excruciating ways in the hopes that if they realise that we’re always there that they’ll either feel bad about their actions towards us or for not feeling the same as us, and then give us what we want.
How can we be in a committed relationship with somebody who is essentially leaving us hanging? Why do we want a relationship with the person who has made it patently clear that they are only in it for the sex or whatever?
Why do we want to settle down with somebody who is already in a relationship or married?
It may be conscious, it might be unconscious, but we do.
We can pick up on cues that indicate that certain subjects or situations are not a good idea. Let’s be real: If we’ve been raised in an environment with a lot of tension or where feelings or discussions were a no-no, or where we’ve gotten into the habit of being a pleaser, we can be pretty damn adept at reading a room or reading for what we feel are signs of tension, and then adjusting ourselves.
We don’t run the risk of being us (we fear allowing somebody to get close enough to us that they won’t like what we’ve already been judging us for) and we get to avoid taking responsibility for how we feel and continue to feel, because we can focus on what the other person is doing or our so-called imperfections.
We can also find that we move from unavailable to unavailable relationship because we don’t have to see things through and because we’re afraid that if we stay that we’ll get closer and then something will go wrong and we can’t cope with the uncertainty.There’s no real risk in us doing what we’ve done before, especially if it keeps us ‘safe’, it gives us an iron-clad alibi for the things that we feel are wrong with the world that have prevented us from doing differently, and it also allows us to secretly accept failure from the outset and corroborate an existing narrative.When we truly seek to know and love ourselves, to be emotionally available and to have a mutually fulfilling relationship, we have to “meet” people in the sense that yes, we do need to be vulnerable in order to be and do all of these things but when we do it with like-minded folk, it is far more fulfilling.We cover everything, from setting up Tor, how to choose a VPN, what not to do, finding the best sites to access, and extra steps to remain anonymous.It is extremely easy to access the dark web and even easier to be detected on it if you don’t take precautions.Why is it that we feel that we’re being at our most ‘available’ and vulnerable in an unavailable relationship?