There are so many questions about sex, dating and HIV that the whole idea can seem overwhelming. He is one of the United States' leading authorities on HIV prevention. Keith is an associate editor at Positively Aware and works as a community activist in Chicago, Ill. There's something about that that does not sit well with black women.That's why, today, we've brought together four people to help make sense of it all. His research examines the relationships between drug use, mental health, social issues and risky behavior. As an African-American gay man with HIV, Keith feels called to combat the virus in communities of color, especially among black gay men. So it was more that disclosing my HIV status would mean disclosing that I also have sex with men, and that just became such a big challenge that I didn't, couldn't, deal with it at that time. One thing that happened was I feel I was pushed more towards being a gay man, if you will, because I found it a lot easier to disclose my status to other gay men, or other men, than I did to disclose to women.
You had written that you wanted to have a reality show about your dating experiences. I have met somebody, and if there was some energy between us, some chemistry, I've kissed them. If I thought it was going to go any further than a kiss, just a casual kind of kiss, then I would disclose to them.David Salyer: Really, honestly, I can't believe the Bravo network hasn't contacted me. Perry Halkitis: So David, you set your limit at kissing.All those things are difficult enough, for anybody, even without HIV.HIV is just another element in a very complex array of things that people have to balance. Nina, your situation is different from that of anyone else here.So I have always been very comfortable talking about my status, and I think that my comfortability makes it easier for people to be more at ease with my status.
I think -- especially when you're dating -- people can pick up on your insecurities, and if HIV is one of them, it makes it easier for them to kind of count you off the market.
In terms of when I'm wanting to date, and things like that, the men in my life already know my status. Nina Martinez: I think I bring it up casually in conversation. Because if you just bring it out, point-blank, you might shock some people.
So I feel like it's more my choice of whether to date them, rather than their choice of wanting to date me. But, generally, if people ask me where I work -- and I work at HIV vaccine trials -- it generally comes up as a side note, and people don't even think twice about what I've just said. You wouldn't even know by looking at her." I have not really had a problem with that.
After all, dating usually requires some strategizing. Dating Sites for HIV-Positive Gays or Straights Positive Love Free to join HIV Passions Free Poz Fees charged for most features POZ Personals Free, affiliated with POZ magazine A Greater Date A directory of dating sites for people dealing with HIV, HCV, HPV or herpes (free) Positive Free to join, but there is a fee for most features Poz Free profile, fees are charged for other features More resources Our next guest is 24-year-old Nina Martinez. David is an HIV-positive journalist, educator and activist living in Atlanta, Ga. My first question is -- and I guess we'll start with you, David -- how did you get back into the dating game when you were first diagnosed? I'm not sure what it is, and I can only speak for black women, but even my straight black female friends and my mother are all very, very ...
Dating when you're HIV positive is doubly, maybe triply, so. Keith Green: Well, because you can't disclose the HIV piece, really, without the question about sexuality coming up, especially for black women.
He told me that I was going to kill everyone I ever loved. But certainly, if somebody's going to tell me that, then that's somebody that I don't want to be with, anyway.