To determine yours or your partner's love language, ask yourself what you complain about or how they respond to you and other people.For me, it's absolutely "words of affirmation." That's how I show someone I really care about them, either by saying it verbally, through a random text, or written in a card.
Relationships are hard, marriage is harder, and both become nearly impossible when you don't have much else to go on other than love.Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage?The flip side of that is that I crave the same thing, and if your partner is unable to show love in the way that you need it, that can be a problem. The 5 Love Languages, .59, Amazon This sounds like a philosophical question, but I think it probes deeper than asking "What are your core beliefs?" By asking someone what rules, guidelines, or statements they live by, you're asking them a question that will give you insight into how they handle everything from problems at work to conflicts within a relationship. What if one of you gets a dream job offer in Seattle, but you had previously agreed to stay close to your families?Personally, though, over time meeting with engaged couples, I've come up with a few questions that you absolutely must ask your partner before you take the plunge into marriage. Take my list as a starting point and go from there as you start to have marriage-focused conversations in your relationship.
Chances are, you've already talked about what kind of wedding you want (a rustic barn or exposed brick in an urban warehouse? But have you talked about the kind of marriage you want in specific detail? Check Out Love Is a Verb: 30 Days to Improving Your Relationship Communication, .99, Amazon This is one of my favorite questions to ask someone I'm dating, because I think it provides real insight into someone's character and how they cope with problems.Everyone wants to believe that the trust between partners is unbreakable, but the fact of that matter is that trust is very, very breakable.From something small, like snooping through texts, to something bigger like infidelity, how will you deal with it?Bonus points if you actually have fun working together.My ex and I couldn't even pick up a paintbrush without getting into World War III, and I eventually realized that you don't want a partner you can't complete tasks with.Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.