We stood there gazing at one another, he obviously embarrassed, pondering the same silent question; should I say something or just take this as a loss and walk back to the car?
She blogs about sex(uality), intersectionality and invisibility every other week. Tweet with her at @Iam Bea Hinton and @filthyfreedom.
Like us on I first came across your writing in your article on being a biracial child of an absent white father/black woman and was curious to know more about you.
We share a similar experience with fathers though for reasons of gender had a different effect. People are very much like ducklets in that we are impressionable and become imprinted at an early age to what we identify with. The question is owning up to that which has our name on it!
The little ducklet follows a hen believing her to be (the missing) mama etc. Secondly, the difference between "being" Black and "datng" Black is as you have discovered a matter of commitment; and commitment is the primary component of maturity. Thanks again for your articles and Best Wishes JST Thank you! You stated that you consciously choose to primarily date black men describing it as the "unequivocally more perfect union" over privilege. If the "playing field" were more equal in terms of sexual and racial politics regarding Black men would you feel the same? Hi Domevelo - I believe (as is probably apparent from this blog) in the feminist adage of the "personal is political" and vice versa.
The feelings I experienced that fateful night at the bar, and admittedly many times thereafter, now evoke the wise words of Malcolm X: “If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing.” Unpacking privilege and sorting through the complexities of racial and sexual politics as a bi-racial woman in white America can be a high task.
Accepting that my seemingly personal decisions regarding who will occupy my company or my body, is a high task.In fact, at a recent fellowship dinner at Columbia Law School, a wealthy, white businessman told me that the biggest business problem occurring in America is the inability of black women to find [black] husbands.He declared that this travesty is rooted in the black man’s inability to commit, not just to a woman, but also to a job.Both insatiable and lazy, he is creator of chaos and maker of his own inevitable demise; he is forever guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. As angry and volatile as their female counterparts, black men, by their very presence, give society reason to assume the defensive.He is simultaneously invisible and ever present in the minds and lives of white America. Debased, filthy and unworthy, black men, we are told, are sexual deviants incapable of either desiring or maintaining healthy, meaningful relationships.But, choosing to date black men when somewhat more privileged unions are possible is, for me, the unequivocally more perfect union, and regardless of how “taxing” carrying the burden of dating black men can be, I wholeheartedly accept it.